All articles
Everything written so far
70 essays on the parts of dating that feel hardest: the first message, the first ten minutes, and the silence in between.
Writing a profile that sounds like you
Almost every profile is written in the same voice: cheerful, generic, and completely unlike the person who wrote it.
Choosing photos without overthinking it
Your photos are doing more work than your words, and most people pick them in exactly the wrong order.
Being interested beats being impressive
Trying to be impressive is exhausting, fragile, and almost always less attractive than the easier alternative.
How to ask someone out over text
Most people don't fail to get the date. They fail to ask for it clearly enough for anyone to say yes.
First-date questions that aren't an interview
What do you do, where are you from, do you have siblings. Three questions in and you're both already bored.
How to tell if someone is flirting back
You can't read minds, and most of what you've been told about reading signals is astrology for adults.
The exclusivity conversation, without the dread
Nobody wants to have this conversation, which is precisely why it keeps getting had far too late.
Why swiping less gets you more dates
The app rewards you for swiping. It does not reward you for meeting anyone, and those are not the same goal.
Rejection doesn't mean what you think it means
A no is not a judgement of your worth. It's one person's read on one kind of fit, made with almost no information.
Double texting is fine
Somewhere along the way we all agreed that sending two messages in a row is a crime. It isn't.
Keeping a conversation going without small talk
Conversations rarely die from one bad message. They die from twenty safe ones in a row.
Where to go on a first date
The venue does more work than anything you wear or say. Most people pick the one that makes the evening hardest.
Flirting when you're shy
Most flirting advice is written for people who find talking to strangers fun. This one isn't.
How to stop rewriting the same message nine times
You've written it, deleted it, rewritten it, read it aloud, and it's now worse than the first version.
What to text after a first date
The hours after a good first date are where a surprising number of them quietly fall apart.
Who pays on a first date
The bill arrives and a perfectly good evening turns into a small negotiation nobody prepared for.
Compliments that don't sound rehearsed
A generic compliment is barely a compliment. It's a pleasant noise aimed in someone's direction.
When you like them more than they like you
The imbalance is usually obvious long before anyone admits it, and almost never fixed by trying harder.