Talking about your ex on a date
The rule isn't never mention them. It's never let them take up more room than the person in front of you.
Everyone over about twenty-five has a history, and pretending otherwise is its own kind of strange. The question isn't whether an ex comes up — it's how much oxygen they get when they do.
The two-sentence limit
A first date can absolutely handle "I was with someone for six years, we split up last spring, it was sad and fairly amicable." That's context, it's honest, and it tells them something real.
What it can't handle is the follow-up: the timeline, the betrayal, the group chat, what her mother said. The moment it becomes a story with acts, your date has stopped being a date and started being a witness.
What it signals
Not that you're damaged — everyone is, a bit. It signals where your attention is. Someone who talks warmly and briefly about an ex reads as a person who has loved and moved on. Someone who talks bitterly at length reads as a person still in a relationship, just an unhappy one.
The word "crazy" is worth banning from the conversation entirely. It never describes the ex accurately and it always describes the speaker.
If they bring theirs up
Be generous. Ask one question, listen properly, and then move the conversation on rather than mining it. If they keep returning to it all evening, that's real information about their availability — collect it without making a judgement out loud.
Questions that aren't yours yet
"Why did you break up?" is reasonable in month two and heavy on night one. Same with "how long were you together?" if it's aimed at working out how serious they are. You'll learn all of it eventually, and asking early usually produces a tidied-up answer anyway.
The honest exception
If you're genuinely fresh out of something — weeks, not months — say so early, plainly. Not as a confession, just as a fact: "I should say I came out of a long thing recently and I'm not sure what I'm looking for yet." It's the kind thing to do, it costs you nothing you wanted to keep, and it saves both of you a confusing month.
The short version
- Two sentences of context, no acts and no verdict.
- Never the word "crazy".
- If they bring theirs, ask once and move on.
- Fresh out of something? Say it plainly on date one.